her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Welp...herpes.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
