It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
my being single is dangerous.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I woke up under a house in Key West
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
