She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
