Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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