a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
