what day is it and did you see me today?
I wish you could order shots online.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Randomize
