Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
