Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Randomize
