new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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