This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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