Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
