pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
