i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
