I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
