That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
