Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
