He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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