after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I love you. Go after that dick
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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