so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
