I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
