i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
