we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
