So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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