So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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