the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
This is not my ceiling
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
