your parents love me but you hate me
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
