its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
