First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
