I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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