just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
