Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
