I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
