Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
