Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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