I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
