Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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