the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
