ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
