In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
