Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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