yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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