i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i wish my penis had a tongue
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Randomize
