Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
