i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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