the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
