Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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