I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
