I think I just saw someone hide a body.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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