I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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