I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
