I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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