How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
