im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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