I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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