You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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