franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
