belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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