I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
