the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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