He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
