Pants 0. Shit 1.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize