im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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