Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
