Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Randomize
