you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
