i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
