There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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