Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
