If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
