the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
