K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
