Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I am one with the molecules
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Randomize
