I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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