you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
