idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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