Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
